


Wayward Thoughts

by yourrhinestoneeyes



Category: Metalocalypse
Genre: Bisexual Characters, Crushes, Gen, M/M, murderface being weird about his sexuality, not really anything pairing wise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-28
Updated: 2014-08-28
Packaged: 2018-02-15 02:52:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2212998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yourrhinestoneeyes/pseuds/yourrhinestoneeyes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Murderface isn't bisexual, he likes to tell himself that. Though his thoughts towards the band's rhythm guitarist seem to say other wise.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wayward Thoughts

Sexuality was something Murderface had been taught from an early age was something you did not explore. Grandparents throwing homophobic slurs at people on the TV and even at their own grandson when he did something less than normal, kids in school beating him and calling him a faggot taught him at a young age that being gay was wrong. Thinking about another man in a sexual way was wrong. When he had had his first wet dream about a male he had punished himself by cutting into his inner thigh, his first male crush in middle school resulted with two boys in his science class beating him until his ribs were bruised. He did not find men attractive, he wasn't gay, or bisexual; he didn't like men. That's what he told himself, that's what he told his friends, and every stranger he came into contact with even when they didn't ask for the information. That's why it was more than concerning for him to have wayward thoughts about a brown haired rhythm guitarist with big blue eyes. His attempt at having sex with him over a month back he tried to say was just built up sexual frustration. That's it. Murderface figured the minute they got back on land he would find as many women as he could, any who were willing to have sex with him (which turned out to be fewer than he would have liked) and no more thoughts.

The human mind didn't work like that, he knew that; well a part of him knew that, but he hated that part. He didn't like the part of his mind that told him it was okay to look at men or fantasize about going down on another guy. It was normal.

Just anytime a fraction of rationality came to light hard lessons from his youth would rear their ugly head reminding him that it wasn't right to think that way....Besides what chance in Hell did he even have?

For whatever reason after Pickles declared that he was leaving the band and Nathan called quits on everything Murderface noticed everybody was splitting up. It's not like it was new, he pretended he didn't notice and in a way he didn't care. Pickles and Nathan had been angry at one another for a long time now, even Skwisgaar and Toki weren't talking as much as they used to. The two guitarists used to spend all of their time together to the point the rest of the band questioned their relationship, mostly behind their backs of course. Yet some rift had occurred in their friendship or whatever the hell it was, because all of a sudden Murderface noticed Toki constantly clinging to his side. It was almost like he didn't care or remember that the bassist had tried to have sex with him not that long ago. He was definitely grateful to never have to speak about it or think about it. Murderface normally didn't mind having Toki around; they were mostly outcasts in their own band, they had that in common. A lot of times they fought, a lot of times he was pretty sure when Toki slipped into Norwegian that he was cursing him out or threatening him. Even past that they still had moments of being around one another, it was a habit for when their other friends were being assholes. Ever since the band called it quits it seemed like they were together more than usual, which normally would be fine with Murderface. 

Only now he couldn't just view the younger musician as some idiot with bad English who he would end up getting into fights with. He kept thinking about how he had tried to have sex with him, how good his body looked, and how soft his lips looked. He wondered what it was even like making out with a guy, he figured it was probably like making out with a girl; just it wasn't a girl. Minus the facial hair Toki looked feminine, Murderface could pretend he was a girl, but he didn't. 

Those were the thoughts that were causing him problems; not new thoughts. Not new in any shape or form, but they were happening more than usual and keeping them at bay was becoming nearly impossible. It was even beginning to affect him when he was trying to sleep at night.

At night his mind ended up being plagued by his normal dreams; gorgeous women far out of his league, women worshiping him and touching him. One moment it would be a gorgeous woman between his legs, the next it was a Norwegian guitarist. 

He would wake up each time, pissed, and scared. The first time it happened he cut into his bicep, the second time he just gave into his fantasies and masturbated to the idea of his sort of friend giving him a blow job. Nobody had to know, he knew, that was bad enough. Every time he saw Toki it frustrated him; talking to him bothered the hell out of him. He couldn't even get pissed at him anymore, they didn't fight, and the younger musician never threatened to beat his ass or slit his throat. In the weirdest way he missed that and it made him wonder what the hell was wrong with him. 

 

Red words flashed on the large TV screen declaring for the sixth time in the past hour Murderface had lost another round of Mortal Kombat. He groaned, Toki clapped his hands.

“You suck at this game”

“Do not, you fucking dick. You just cheat at it or some shit.”

“How would I be cheating at it?”

“I don't fucking know, fucking cheat code or something like that.” He countered, annoyed.

The younger man was smiling smug that he had beaten him again, Murderface was embarrassed he'd just wasted the past twelve minutes thinking about his odd...feelings about the man sitting next to him on the couch. Looking at him didn't help; he was cute when he was happy, not a normal thought. 

“You're just being a dick, because you aren't good at video games.”

“I'm fucking great at games, I'm just....Whatever fucking go another round.”

“Your loss” Toki said shrugging.

The game started up again.

“Hey have you thought about what you're going to do after the band ends?” Toki asked after several minutes of mildly uncomfortable silence.

“Well I was going to go into politics, but that didn't fucking work out.”

“Yeah...I'm sorry about that by the way, but you would have been crap at that.”

“Hey fuck you I would have been great at it.” The older man yelled back.

Toki rolled his eyes at him.

“Right, you would have destroyed the whole state or something....Got any back up plans?” He asked curiously.

Murderface hadn't thought about it much; he had been holding onto the hope that Nathan and Pickles would just get their shit together. He knew he didn't exactly have the work credentials or motivation to go on musically. Nobody wanted him in their band, anybody who met him hated him, and people who didn't know him only had to turn on their TV or go online for a few seconds to find a reason to hate him. If it hadn't been for Skwisgaar he wouldn't even have his place in Dethklok.

“I don't fucking know, what about you?”

“Um I don't really have anything either, I've been hoping Nathan and Pickle would just sort of make up I guess.” 

“Far as I can tell that's not going to fucking happen. Better get another idea dude, we could do something together....Musically, y'know fucking project or whatever.” He added awkwardly.

Toki glanced over at him raising an eyebrow in question.

“Yeah cause that always works out. You act like a total asshole, I end up getting angry and wanting to beat the shit out of you.”

Murderface smirked thinking about it; he really needed to evaluate why he liked the younger man wanting to beat the shit out of him. Least it meant that Toki would be touching him if he beat him up, maybe he'd get on top of him....

“Could fucking work, we don't fight all the time.”

Toki thought it over before shrugging.

“Yeah I guess you're right, I don't hate you that much.” He admitted even if it sounded like he didn't completely want to commit to the statement.

Murderface took it as a compliment.

He rather hear the younger man liked him, maybe didn't find him to be that much of a disgusting asshole....Seriously why the fuck was he thinking this way?

“So would you want to be in another band with me?”

“Fuck no....I was actually going to ask you about something.”

The older man took his eyes off of the screen looking towards his friend, it took no time at all for Toki to beat him at another round of the game he hadn't been paying attention to for a long time now. The younger musician wasn't paying much attention to him, Murderface looked away when he started thinking about what kissing him would be like.

“What?”

“Skwisgaar and I are thinking about living somewhere after the band ends, we figured you could live with the two of us.”

“Why the fuck would I want to do that, isn't that kind of y'know gay?”

“Uh we live with three other guys right now, how would it be gay if you just live with me and Skwisgaar?”

It wasn't gay; Murderface's thoughts about the two guitarists were gay on the other hand.

“Probably because the two of you are....Well you guys are you know....” He trailed off awkwardly.

Toki had his full attention on him now, light blue eyes staring at him as he tried to figure out what the bassist was getting at. He tilted his head to the side, long hair falling over his shoulder. He looked cute, why the hell did he look so feminine? Murderface kind of hated it, he hated thinking about the sex dream he'd had about said guitarist the night before.

God he needed to stop thinking about this.....How hard would Toki hit him if he just kissed him right now?

“Why can't you live with us?”

“It's because you guys are fucking....Y'know you like....You guys like dudes, it's fucking weird.” 

“Oh, so wait you can't live with us because we're bisexual?” He asked confused now at his friend's reason for not wanting to live with him.

It wasn't really a secret that the two Scandinavian guitarists liked both men and women, anybody really. Skwisgaar loved the human body and Toki seemed to just love whatever was on the inside. Everybody knew, but they pretended not to. Murderface tried to not think about it, but that part of his mind he was taught to bury kept surfacing making him envy his two friends. Despite how the two of them had been brought up they were open about their sexuality, comfortable enough with it that they never felt like explaining themselves or defending their actions. If they wanted to have sex with men then they did, they didn't feel the need to explain themselves. Murderface envied them for that and hated them a bit for it, why the Hell did they get to be so comfortable with themselves?

“Yeah, it's weird”

Toki smirked at him, he pushed a lock of hair back behind his ear. 

“Funny coming from the guy who used to hit on Skwisgaar and tried to have sex with me.” 

Murderface could feel his face go red, he glared at the younger man. He felt he should just start yelling, maybe throw a beer bottle at the TV then storm out of the room and lock himself up in his bedroom for the next week just to defend his non existent heterosexuality, but the smirk on his friend's face kept him from doing much other than sitting there staring at him feeling like a dumb ass.

“I never hit on that dildo licker and....What the, why the fuck do you have to look so much like a chick for?” He yelled voice cracking slightly.

Toki laughed, the sound made his chest feel weird; he wondered how hard he would have to bang his head against the wall to get these thoughts to go away.

“Calm down....You know it's not a big deal if you like guys, nobody cares.” The younger man said more seriously now.

Murderface averted his eyes, he crossed his arms over his chest.

“I'm not fucking gay” He muttered angrily.

“No you're too weird with the ladies for that....Just it's okay if you're bisexual”

“I'm not, I like chicks; I'm not a fucking queer like you two idiots.” He responded louder than necessary.

Toki was used to his outbursts; he decided it was best to just drop the subject before it ended in a ful out fight or with the older man leaving.

“Okay...So are you going to stay with us or live with your grandma?”

“I'm not living with her, she's a fucking bitch...Fine, fuck I'll live with you two assholes.”

“Great, not sure where we're going to live for sure though.”

“What is that fucking dildo licker planning on doing?”

“Join another band I guess, maybe we should do that too?”

Murderface grunted; he didn't want a regular job. He hated working; he had hated it in his twenties and he sure as hell wasn't going to do it now.

“I don't think anybody is going to want two assholes who never practice.” He admitted.

Toki slumped back against the couch, he looked up towards the ceiling like he was thinking over something before looking back to the bassist.

“We could practice, then when we leave here we have a better chance of getting into a new band.”

“Uh Toki that involves work, I don't want to do that shit.”

“I don't want to go back to my old job, I rather play guitar.” The younger man countered.

He felt himself internally cringe thinking about the job he had taken for a short time at that strip club, Murderface zoned out for a minute thinking about the lack of clothing Toki had worn around Mordhaus while he'd had that job.

“Fuck fine we can practice....When do you want to start practicing?”

“Right now I guess, I'm getting bored of beating your ass at this game. Come on.”

Toki got up from the couch, he grabbed Murderface's arm pulling him up and dragging him down the hall towards his room.

They spent a mere hour practicing, after the first hour of practice they began arguing about UFO sightings in Oregon which lead to two hours spent on google. Half an hour to cat videos, two hours to arguing over bands they liked and ones they hated, three hours dedicated to getting drunk. By the end of the night they were slumped on the guitarist's bed leaning against each other. Both too drunk to even consider touching their instruments, Murderface wasn't planning on going back to his room anytime soon. Besides he was comfortable leaning against the younger man's side and he was far too drunk to care about just how extremely gay that was.


End file.
